What is a Living Farewell?
Have you ever thought about why we honor someone after they die? Sharing fond memories and expressing how much we love somebody should be happening before they pass away, but modern culture teaches us that we need to wait until after they are gone to express how we feel. Take a moment and think about how it would feel to be able to connect with someone before they die; to be able to share how much we love them and say goodbye in an authentic way. That’s what a living funeral is all about!
The circle of life includes death, and if you look beyond modern Western culture you’ll see how the dead are celebrated and there is a sense of joy and contentness when a loved one passes. These wise communities accept and embrace death long before it happens which means they are able to start the grief process before death occurs and that can be beneficial in the way we energetically process grief. By preparing for death, we can start to soften how we think and speak about, and maybe even find ways that we can celebrate our loved ones before they pass.
Having a living funeral provides the time and space for connecting with those we love, it can also help with the grieving process after someone dies. A goodbye party allows us to connect with our loved ones at a deep level which promotes feelings of comfort, warmth and completion. Oftentimes, there can be unresolved conflict that should be addressed before somebody passes, but when someone we love is entering their end of life process we are hesitant to ‘rock the boat’ and add to the stress that death brings. A living funeral can be transformational for all, and it can lessen future grief for words that have been left unsaid.
If you’re thinking about having a living farewell party, it’s important that you communicate clearly what your wishes and needs are. Pick a theme that is reflective of who you are and what is important to you. Some may want to have a somber living funeral that opens with a group meditation and includes a crystal bowl sound healing, others may lean towards a more festive vibe with a 80’s themed party complete with a photo booth. Do you need to include guided activities that can help to break the ice? Or, maybe you want to appoint a host so the fine details don’t end up on your to-do list.
No matter what the theme of the gathering happens to be, keep decorations and other distractions to a minimum so the focus remains on people connecting and sharing fond memories. Oftentimes, guided activities are incorporated into a living funeral to help break the ice and promote authentic conversations. These activities can include legacy journaling, sharing words of affirmation or making a momento mori like a beaded mala. The idea behind a living funeral goodbye party is to create a warm and welcoming environment where our loved ones can feel comfortable connecting with us before we die.
Having a host to help greet guests is something that you may want to consider. Sometimes, the need for a living farewell happens suddenly and guests may have questions when they arrive. Appointing a trusted person to greet guests and equipping them with the appropriate information to answer questions is vital to the success of a living farewell party. Consider the way you invite your guests and how you will set the tone for the living funeral so they know what to expect.
When a living funeral needs to take place at the bedside and larger groups just aren’t going to work, a death doula can provide structure during the visits. A death doula can help with managing the visitation schedule as well as helping to guide communication as necessary during the visit. While hospice care and medical professionals care for the physical body, a death doula’s role is to fill the need for emotional and spiritual care of the patient during the end of life process. A death doula can also play a vital role between the family and the health care system, and provide valuable companionship when family and friends are unable to spend time with one who is going to die.
Planning a living farewell or living funeral is gaining in popularity as we look to alternative ways to celebrate someone before they die. To plan a successful living funeral, remember these suggestions:
Celebrate the person of honor in an authentic way
Invite those you love the most
Encourage vulnerability and honesty
Limit the decorations and distractions
Provide space for deeper conversation
Consider having a host to greet, field questions and maintain the flow
Optional guided activities can help break the ice
Having a living funeral is a new trend and there are no rules about what it should be like. The goal is to create a goodbye party that allows the people you love to gather one last time as a special community which was founded by you!
